Tag Archives: things

Folding laundry

Things I fixate on while depressed:

1. Your eyebrows. Skeptical arches don’t make themselves (maybe).

2. Keeping your closet clean. I’m up to two weeks. Granted the drawers are a mess but everything is put away.

3. Folding laundry (a necessary evil for keeping your closet clean).

4. Online browsing for a marine corps birthday ball dress. Its sad how many hours I’ve spent on this. 

5. Contemplating my shoe collection. I have a minor addiction.

6. Trying to get at least 10000 steps a day and resorting to reading and walking to motivate myself. 

7. Fixating on wedding photos for several hours and then experiencing a facebook tag mania. 

8. Reading books in series too fast and finish 11 outlander books in three months without realizing you got to the last book then grieve that you have to live without the characters until the 12th book comes out.

9. Rewatch random parts of beauty and the beast several times. 

10. Worry about the shampoo you are using excessively and spend a weird amount of time in the hair care aisle of the store.

11. Name all of the stray dogs near the embassy. Develop relationships even though you can’t take any one of them home because you have two dogs.

12. Stay up late stalking family for photos and information for your massive family tree.

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So, how’s married life?

This is a rant

I feel like this question is similar to:

“So, how’s it feel to be one year older?”

Well, sir. I feel completely different compared to yesterday! It’s amazing! Things are so different! I’m so glad you asked. 

I’m sure I might feel different if above-mentioned marriage meant that I was in the same country as hot husband. Or same continent. 

But we aren’t. I’m patiently waiting for my name change paperwork and the final marriage certificate, so I can change things…like life insurance beneficiaries. Yea, that’s going to make me feel different.

I like being able to say husband. And I’m still shocked they let us get married. But my other half is still on the other side of a video screen.

And if anyone says, “well at least you have video chat.” Yes, thank you. I am keenly aware that the technological advances have helped me simulate normal relationship activities for two years. If I wanted to look at the bright side, I would have an hour ago when I was crying in my shower. 

You know what else gets me? All these dude who are like: 

So what’s your name now?

Bro. It has been a week. Do you know how much paperwork and shit you have to do to change your name? And, you are asking me about this while we are standing in Moldova.  So, really? 

Then my hot husband, he who I love and cherish says this:

“What’s so hard about deciding what to change your name?”

I don’t think hot husband really thought this question through. My internal response was:

“$:&/_)$$ it’s my name!”

Also, its a dickton of paperwork. And I feel like I always get stuck with the paperwork. Paperwork to get married. Paperwork to get a marriage license. Paperwork to change my name. 

Meanwhile, every dude I meet asks me how married life is or what my name is now. 

So, in answer to the question of the hour:

Its a pain in the ass. 

The end. 

You don’t like my resting bitch face until you need directions!

As you my have discerned from the title, my resting bitch face (RBF) seems to cause people to have a philosophical explosion with helpful little quips like “smile,” or “why do you look so sad?” 

The lovely little thoughts I have regarding these little jewels of advice can only be described as rage induced murder daydreams.

Although whilst I was traveling, I was asked for directions several times. Considering that RBF is a lifetime condition I have made the following determination:

You want me to smile until you are lost as shit then you want someone who looks like they know where they are going.

Except I WAS ALSO LOST. HA! You have been bamboozled by my faux self assurance.

I was only 50% lost. So, because RBF doesnt make me want to intentionally mislead you, I helped you out.

Because people RBF are capable of a myrid

Also, we are probably better at poker.