I’ve been running into a lot of life’s little (shitty) roadblocks lately.
And it makes me want to punch walls.
1. A crappy hotel that I paid far too much money for.
2. The inability to get a changed paasport through my husband’s job (its a long story that’s too complicated to explain).
3. $2000 in vet bills so that I can take my dogs to south africa. Plus $4700 to move the dogs. (Yes, I know I made the choice to go to South Africa in the name of love and family but I can still internally freak out about the cost).
4. The lab estimating the amount of blood they needed wrong after I left Virginia to come to North Carolina. So I had to call several vets to see who could do this barrage of tests only to be met with confusion.
4. Continued uncertainty about life after next May.
This makes me, clearly, miserable to be around.
As such, I went for a walk this evening and ended up trudging nine miles to work myself out.
Unfortunately, now I’m still awake at midnight. But at least I’m less angry.
Cheers to all the people out there trying to work shit out when life sledgehammers your plans into a billion pieces.
These numbers sum up my life right now. I must say, they are rather pleasant to ruminate on.
My general goal last year (and probably the year before but sometimes these things take longer to accomplish) was to stop letting the gut-wrenching fear of failure run my life.
Sidenote: I think I just realized what gut-wrenching really means. Or is it gut wrecking? More on that later.
I think I can safely estimate that I have at least a 72% success rate in the battle with my irrational fears. I won’t say a hundred, because let’s be honest. I still hide from social events with my dogs and even if I go “hang out” my irrational distraction with awkward silences is often my wingman at the party unless I am drinking my face off then I am just a peach gin fizz (is that a thing?).
However, there’s alot less fear sweating and emergency bathroom breaks these days. Which, I feel like more people should talk about. Why is fear sweating so much more uncomfortable than regular sweating? And, why can do I go from regular bladder control to insane bodily functions when I panic. I should look that up.
Note: Look up fight or flight responses. Because science.
Thus my ephiphany – gut wrenching. Get it? No? Ok.
Any who, my onward goal is to stop killing my ideas with my own mental chainsaw. Don’t worry, I am sure you have that awesome voice in your head too.
The reason behind my goal is vaguely simple-ish. I am getting no-joke hitched to another human (like legally not in a weird horror film way) in 130 days. I have no idea what is going to happen after the big day. I am not going to lie – its hella scary for reasons I can’t explain. So, I am here, dear internet, to build a something.
So, let’s do this.