Category Archives: wedding

I broke my introvert

As you may well know, I got hitched to hot husband. In the week since, I think I’ve slept more than I’ve been awake (much to the disdain of hot husband). 

The epic journey started in Moldova on a plane. I flew to Charlotte via Vienna and Munich where my sister picked me up so I could watch her get promoted to captain. 

So fancy.

Then we woke up at midnight and drove for 16 hours to Connecticut with my sister’s dog Oscar. 

Maybe not the best idea. By the time we got to Jersey (where HH is from) I was delirious and felt like I was surrounded by thousands of hot husbands driving like maniacs. 

Then, two days later it was four hours to Vermont on Monday. We arrived in Stowe to this bad ass cabin with big beds and faux fur blankets that I wore like a cape to channel my inner Jon Snow. (No pictures of my fabulous cape, but heres some of Burlington)

We did the whole wedding preamble thing. There were venue things and flower things and wine things. Diy flower arrangements are actually not to difficult and kind of fun. The florist did our bouquets so that was much less stressful.

My sister planned this epic DIY wine tasting with my friends and it was magical.

And it was all great. Then we got married and stuff. 


The day after the wedding HH and I got on on a plane to come home to Moldova with the dogs. For the last six days, I have been exhausted. My introvert and socially anxious kid inside of me have gone into hiding. And sense I can’t function without them, I guess I’ve just been sleeping.

I dont know if its because the wedding is finally over and that we managed to actually get married (I know you may think its a pretty simple process but due to HH’s job we had to fill out a crap ton of paperwork and finally got approved on April 27th). Or if my social meter was just clocked out (so many people).

Or if I was sad that we had one week until we are apart again until we figure out a solution to both of our jobs and the miles that separate us.

I have to go back to work tomorrow and I’m pretty sure I’ll slip into a coma at around 2:00pm.

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It’s amazing the things you learn by avoiding people

Last time I went to the hair dresser my boobs got groped and I was called baby alot. Hot fiance is not a hairdresser btw.

I’ve been vaguely avoiding going but my vanity is not such that my hair won’t annoy me when the color doesn’t match. 

So, today I decided to deal with my hair in the privacy of my own bathroom clad in sweatpants and sports bra. First, I took to cutting the ends of my hair because they haven’t been dealt with since like October. In case you haven’t tried it, cutting your hair can be quite cathartic. Armed with my basting brush, which I will not be using for basting ever, a toothbrush, a comb, and memories of dying my mother’s hair at 15 – I started dying away. Quite the acrobatic experience, I must say. 

It hasn’t dried yet, so it’s possible I will reopen the possibility of the handsy Turk, but maybe it looks ok. Plus in two months I go to America and I can pay someone not to give me a sexual massage and fix my hair.
Everyone wins.

Update: it doesn’t look bad at all

Also, cocoa butter does magical things like take makeup off and get rid of dye stains.

Given the title of this post, I feel compelled to list the things I have done in my mission to avoid others:

1. Figured out how to plan a wedding with the least amount of human contact possible. Email is great.  

2. Watched makeup tutorials for months in order to do my own without looking cray

3. Sat on a fence stuck in a chain link by my underwear and refused help because I was embarrassed and wanted to be left alone.

4. Cured myself of rando skin problems overseas. 

5. Repaired furniture that was damaged by a dog. To no end, but not bad as learning experiences go. 

6. How to put together furniture I shipped from Amazon and ikea alone and the trusty help of YouTube.

7. How to invest money (with advice from my mom but I dont think she counts).

I do not wish to dream about my wedding

Because when I dream about my wedding, its a shit show on speed.

Here are the highlights from last nights dream:

1. I had to wear a retainer

2. I put blue and pink eyeshadow on different eyes

3. The groomsmen were lost

4. There was no officiant

5. My mom was late

6. I somehow ended up with eyeshadow on my retainer

7. People got accosted by mom who then was late the next day

It was weird and completely off the wall. And, I didnt even imbibe alcohol last night. I suppose it could have been the half bag of jalapeno cheetos I mainlined yesterday. Mistake.

I suppose this is normal. I do wish it was a little more realistic like a cat fight or someone smushing all the cupcakes or a drunkard making several speeches. Not, me wearing a retainer like a nube. 

Naked Wedding Planning?

Does anyone else feel naked when trying to plan a wedding?
I mean, figurately. I have clothes on. I have a few more invites to do and I was in the midst of trying to make a Facebook page (because in my copious spare time I overcompensate by spamming you with as much information as possible) and I felt very exposed.

The problem with planning something in obsessive spurts for a year or so is the closer I actually get to the event the more I can hear myself saying “oh shit, oh shit, oh shit” because its really happening. Like, in real life.

I’m not going to toy with you and say that when I was a little girl I never thought about getting married or Prince charming or that I didnt have a minor obsession with being a fabulous ass princess. I did. I loved the idea of it all. I watched all those stupid wedding shows and I had longing crushes on people I would never talk to instead I daydreamed about our romantic courtship and love story.

And, this is why you should monitor how many romance books your kids are reading.

I eventually I buried some of that insanity and became an adult. I still daydream alot, but I think that’s just how I function. In our minds, I think we are probably all someone vastly different than our awkward realistic self. Oh, that’s just me? Ok.

Fast forward to the whole marriage thing where I’m twitching in a corner from not having a good enough event or having people come or what gifts to get the wedding party or trying to figure out my flight pattern or changing my mind about shoes again.

I want it to be right. But, that’s not the point of this whole wedding thing. There is no getting it right. It is literally just having a party because you like this one person enough to try and figure out all the crazy life things out with. That is whats worth getting right because its not about the wedding.

Its about the person trying to help you get all your makeup off afterwards so you can both lay down until ten minutes into it hot husband is like “I’m hungry.”

In this imaginary scenario, there would be room service. Thank goodness.

Walking & Thinking

I’ve found that the surefire way to figure out if I’m being borderline obsessive about something is while I am walking/running/or otherwise moving my body in a direction and this one magical thing happens.


I.Fall.On.My.Face

Well, I just fall face first. Last night, while hemming and hawing over something that shouldn’t even be an issue (because it’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to) I tripped over my dogs leash and ended up horizontal, in the dark, at 7pm, with my dogs starting at me like I am insane.  

This is the second time in less an a week that this has occurred.  So, I can either blame the whole “trying to work out more bit” or I’m thinking too much about everything.  

Considering that I haven’t slept soundly in like 3 weeks – I’m going to go with thinking too much. 

Why you ask? 

I wish I could give you an answer outside of my epic polyamorous relationship with anxiety and depression (and today’s forecast and the forecast for the last month or so has been anxiety).  

I’m sure it has something to do the impending nupitals and the possible life changes that will also be a result of that.  The invitations are about to go out and things are getting settled, but I can’t help but feel a little detached from the entire process because I’m doing it from far away and I’m not with my hot fiance.  

On the bright side, it’s happening in 129 days and it’s gonna be an awesome wedding.  On the down side, I have no idea when or how we are going to get back in the same location or country or continent (same time zone FTW).  By the time we get married, it will be we will have been apart for 66% of our relations.  

When will I know? 0 idea.  I have to say that not being able to answer people’s questions about the wedding is kind of hilarious – for instance:

1. Are you honeymooning? It depends on what happens his next assignment 
2. When are you arriving at your wedding destination? Something like 6 days before
3. Do you have plane tickets? No
4. When is he getting there? No idea before May 14th one hopes
5. What are you going to do after the wedding? Meh unknown
6. Have you met his family? Not yet

Do you see what I am getting at? I know this situation is kind of ridiculous, but at this point lacking any kind of consistency or surity for so long – its almost become comedic instead of absolutely petrifying (kdding – sometimes it’s still pretty petrifying). 

It’s still worth it. 

And now that this post has effectively become about my wedding, I will end here. 

Life lessons:

1. Don’t walk and think
2. Keep your polyamorous lover’s separate
3. Wedding planning generally sucks, but with the food involved I can’t say no
4. Never run out of benadryl

The post that was not influenced by the new year.

2017.130.730.


These numbers sum up my life right now. I must say, they are rather pleasant to ruminate on.

My general goal last year (and probably the year before but sometimes these things take longer to accomplish) was to stop letting the gut-wrenching fear of failure run my life. 

Sidenote: I think I just realized what gut-wrenching really means. Or is it gut wrecking? More on that later.

I think I can safely estimate that I have at least a 72% success rate in the battle with my irrational fears. I won’t say a hundred, because let’s be honest. I still hide from social events with my dogs and even if I go “hang out” my irrational distraction with awkward silences is often my wingman at the party unless I am drinking my face off then I am just a peach gin fizz (is that a thing?).

However, there’s alot less fear sweating and emergency bathroom breaks these days. Which, I feel like more people should talk about. Why is fear sweating so much more uncomfortable than regular sweating? And, why can do I go from regular bladder control to insane bodily functions when I panic. I should look that up. 

Note: Look up fight or flight responses. Because science.

Thus my ephiphany – gut wrenching. Get it? No? Ok.

Any who, my onward goal is to stop killing my ideas with my own mental chainsaw. Don’t worry, I am sure you have that awesome voice in your head too.

The reason behind my goal is vaguely simple-ish. I am getting no-joke hitched to another human (like legally not in a weird horror film way) in 130 days. I have no idea what is going to happen after the big day. I am not going to lie – its hella scary for reasons I can’t explain. So, I am here, dear internet, to build a something. 

So, let’s do this.