Category Archives: hot fiance

So, how’s married life?

This is a rant

I feel like this question is similar to:

“So, how’s it feel to be one year older?”

Well, sir. I feel completely different compared to yesterday! It’s amazing! Things are so different! I’m so glad you asked. 

I’m sure I might feel different if above-mentioned marriage meant that I was in the same country as hot husband. Or same continent. 

But we aren’t. I’m patiently waiting for my name change paperwork and the final marriage certificate, so I can change things…like life insurance beneficiaries. Yea, that’s going to make me feel different.

I like being able to say husband. And I’m still shocked they let us get married. But my other half is still on the other side of a video screen.

And if anyone says, “well at least you have video chat.” Yes, thank you. I am keenly aware that the technological advances have helped me simulate normal relationship activities for two years. If I wanted to look at the bright side, I would have an hour ago when I was crying in my shower. 

You know what else gets me? All these dude who are like: 

So what’s your name now?

Bro. It has been a week. Do you know how much paperwork and shit you have to do to change your name? And, you are asking me about this while we are standing in Moldova.  So, really? 

Then my hot husband, he who I love and cherish says this:

“What’s so hard about deciding what to change your name?”

I don’t think hot husband really thought this question through. My internal response was:

“$:&/_)$$ it’s my name!”

Also, its a dickton of paperwork. And I feel like I always get stuck with the paperwork. Paperwork to get married. Paperwork to get a marriage license. Paperwork to change my name. 

Meanwhile, every dude I meet asks me how married life is or what my name is now. 

So, in answer to the question of the hour:

Its a pain in the ass. 

The end. 

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I broke my introvert

As you may well know, I got hitched to hot husband. In the week since, I think I’ve slept more than I’ve been awake (much to the disdain of hot husband). 

The epic journey started in Moldova on a plane. I flew to Charlotte via Vienna and Munich where my sister picked me up so I could watch her get promoted to captain. 

So fancy.

Then we woke up at midnight and drove for 16 hours to Connecticut with my sister’s dog Oscar. 

Maybe not the best idea. By the time we got to Jersey (where HH is from) I was delirious and felt like I was surrounded by thousands of hot husbands driving like maniacs. 

Then, two days later it was four hours to Vermont on Monday. We arrived in Stowe to this bad ass cabin with big beds and faux fur blankets that I wore like a cape to channel my inner Jon Snow. (No pictures of my fabulous cape, but heres some of Burlington)

We did the whole wedding preamble thing. There were venue things and flower things and wine things. Diy flower arrangements are actually not to difficult and kind of fun. The florist did our bouquets so that was much less stressful.

My sister planned this epic DIY wine tasting with my friends and it was magical.

And it was all great. Then we got married and stuff. 


The day after the wedding HH and I got on on a plane to come home to Moldova with the dogs. For the last six days, I have been exhausted. My introvert and socially anxious kid inside of me have gone into hiding. And sense I can’t function without them, I guess I’ve just been sleeping.

I dont know if its because the wedding is finally over and that we managed to actually get married (I know you may think its a pretty simple process but due to HH’s job we had to fill out a crap ton of paperwork and finally got approved on April 27th). Or if my social meter was just clocked out (so many people).

Or if I was sad that we had one week until we are apart again until we figure out a solution to both of our jobs and the miles that separate us.

I have to go back to work tomorrow and I’m pretty sure I’ll slip into a coma at around 2:00pm.

Spring in Germany

In March I went to Germany to see Hot Husband during his region’s training exercise at one of the air force bases. It was my first foray into official spouse territory, which no one tells you is scary as fuck (50% marriage being generally scary). Growing up around the military gives you an understanding of things, but I often feel like I’m in uncharted territory with the marines.  (One would think I would understand that being born into a certain community is vastly different to voluntarily joining it, but I’ve a thick skull.)

On the bright side, I got to hop around Germany in Kaiserslautern and Heidelberg. Naturally, I took photos.

I do not wish to dream about my wedding

Because when I dream about my wedding, its a shit show on speed.

Here are the highlights from last nights dream:

1. I had to wear a retainer

2. I put blue and pink eyeshadow on different eyes

3. The groomsmen were lost

4. There was no officiant

5. My mom was late

6. I somehow ended up with eyeshadow on my retainer

7. People got accosted by mom who then was late the next day

It was weird and completely off the wall. And, I didnt even imbibe alcohol last night. I suppose it could have been the half bag of jalapeno cheetos I mainlined yesterday. Mistake.

I suppose this is normal. I do wish it was a little more realistic like a cat fight or someone smushing all the cupcakes or a drunkard making several speeches. Not, me wearing a retainer like a nube. 

I can’t trust my brain at least forty-five percent of the time.

Maybe more. It depends on what time of day it is. January has her claws latched into me and I just calculated how to spend less on my caffeine addiction without having to change my consumption. Then I unsubscribed from like forty emails which was oddly gratifying. 

Whereas a week ago I was all idea mania, the logical one is trying to pick up the pieces and make adult decisions so we aren’t broke. Idea mania wants to give all her money away. The logical one is trying to figure out stock trading. And I am just trying to exist in the neutral zone. Or somewhere in the middle. Or somewhere not inside my brain. 

See, I never really know who is right between the various versions of myself. Maybe they are all right in some way.

I’m trying to let them both have turns without letting either do anything too crazy. I guess this is what parenthood is like. Or marriage. 

But, the hot fiance evens me out when I really need it. He may just have to hide the internet from me on occasion. 

Look at him. So pretty.

 

Walking & Thinking

I’ve found that the surefire way to figure out if I’m being borderline obsessive about something is while I am walking/running/or otherwise moving my body in a direction and this one magical thing happens.


I.Fall.On.My.Face

Well, I just fall face first. Last night, while hemming and hawing over something that shouldn’t even be an issue (because it’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to) I tripped over my dogs leash and ended up horizontal, in the dark, at 7pm, with my dogs starting at me like I am insane.  

This is the second time in less an a week that this has occurred.  So, I can either blame the whole “trying to work out more bit” or I’m thinking too much about everything.  

Considering that I haven’t slept soundly in like 3 weeks – I’m going to go with thinking too much. 

Why you ask? 

I wish I could give you an answer outside of my epic polyamorous relationship with anxiety and depression (and today’s forecast and the forecast for the last month or so has been anxiety).  

I’m sure it has something to do the impending nupitals and the possible life changes that will also be a result of that.  The invitations are about to go out and things are getting settled, but I can’t help but feel a little detached from the entire process because I’m doing it from far away and I’m not with my hot fiance.  

On the bright side, it’s happening in 129 days and it’s gonna be an awesome wedding.  On the down side, I have no idea when or how we are going to get back in the same location or country or continent (same time zone FTW).  By the time we get married, it will be we will have been apart for 66% of our relations.  

When will I know? 0 idea.  I have to say that not being able to answer people’s questions about the wedding is kind of hilarious – for instance:

1. Are you honeymooning? It depends on what happens his next assignment 
2. When are you arriving at your wedding destination? Something like 6 days before
3. Do you have plane tickets? No
4. When is he getting there? No idea before May 14th one hopes
5. What are you going to do after the wedding? Meh unknown
6. Have you met his family? Not yet

Do you see what I am getting at? I know this situation is kind of ridiculous, but at this point lacking any kind of consistency or surity for so long – its almost become comedic instead of absolutely petrifying (kdding – sometimes it’s still pretty petrifying). 

It’s still worth it. 

And now that this post has effectively become about my wedding, I will end here. 

Life lessons:

1. Don’t walk and think
2. Keep your polyamorous lover’s separate
3. Wedding planning generally sucks, but with the food involved I can’t say no
4. Never run out of benadryl

The post that was not influenced by the new year.

2017.130.730.


These numbers sum up my life right now. I must say, they are rather pleasant to ruminate on.

My general goal last year (and probably the year before but sometimes these things take longer to accomplish) was to stop letting the gut-wrenching fear of failure run my life. 

Sidenote: I think I just realized what gut-wrenching really means. Or is it gut wrecking? More on that later.

I think I can safely estimate that I have at least a 72% success rate in the battle with my irrational fears. I won’t say a hundred, because let’s be honest. I still hide from social events with my dogs and even if I go “hang out” my irrational distraction with awkward silences is often my wingman at the party unless I am drinking my face off then I am just a peach gin fizz (is that a thing?).

However, there’s alot less fear sweating and emergency bathroom breaks these days. Which, I feel like more people should talk about. Why is fear sweating so much more uncomfortable than regular sweating? And, why can do I go from regular bladder control to insane bodily functions when I panic. I should look that up. 

Note: Look up fight or flight responses. Because science.

Thus my ephiphany – gut wrenching. Get it? No? Ok.

Any who, my onward goal is to stop killing my ideas with my own mental chainsaw. Don’t worry, I am sure you have that awesome voice in your head too.

The reason behind my goal is vaguely simple-ish. I am getting no-joke hitched to another human (like legally not in a weird horror film way) in 130 days. I have no idea what is going to happen after the big day. I am not going to lie – its hella scary for reasons I can’t explain. So, I am here, dear internet, to build a something. 

So, let’s do this.