Category Archives: creativity

2 Years

Dear Brian,

It’s been to years give or take a few days.  I didn’t forget my promise and I kept taking photographs.  We’ve seen so many different places this year.

I try to do better because I know how you would have lived.  I don’t always succeed and sometimes I question why I am here. But, I guess all I can do is try.

I’ve been so on edge and irritated lately and I wasn’t sure why until I remembered what day it was (even though I reminded myself a few days ago that I needed to make sure that I wrote this).  Then I remembered again that I am here and you are not.  Oddly enough, a storm rolled in during my realization.  I can see the lightning from my window.

I can’t say good things about the world right now, but dogs are still pretty much the best.  Our group of friends are still making their way in this life and I can’t believe its been 10 years since we first met.  I am not sure if we would still be friends now (as I regret we drifted before you died), but I know I still love you.  I know that you showed me so much about loving people and seeing the world differently.

These are the things we saw this year.

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I used my Affinity program to create collages of all these photos – and it came out pretty cool.

collagecollage 2

Love,

Lindsay

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I was going to write about self-care then I stabbed myself in the eye with a toothbrush

Hello. 

As you may know, self-care is important. Today, in an effort to feel less like death warmed over, I decided I was going to put on a dress, do my makeup, and take myself out to lunch. 

Everything was going well until I looked at my face from another light source. I had done my makeup and went out onto my balcony to make sure I looked ok. I did not. I looked like that drunk white girl at a frat party who was stumbling about telling everyone how much she loves everyone. She’s annoying. Her face is falling off and her chaperone needs to come get her. 

(I can’t claim to be that different because I get drunk and tell people I love their eyebrows. In my defense, fancy eyebrows might as well be art.)

Anywho, I tried to fix it. Changing lipstick or toning it down. I only proceeded to turn into the drunk aunt with drifting lipstick. (Or that one time at the ball where I drank tooo much gin then got belligerent. I’m sorry hot husband.)

Not to self: GIN DOES NOT SAVE LIVES
So while de-makeuping I was brushing my eyebrows out with a tooth brush which is separate from my actual tooth brush and somehow stabbed myself in the eyeball.

When I say that I would rather go blind then ever feel that again I’m not joking. That shit felt like getting an angry tattoo on my cornea. 

My eye still hurts and its been an hour.  

So I can’t talk to you about liking yourself today. I dont like myself at all. But, collectively, we should hate ourselves a bit less. Even if you fail at becoming an instagram level make up artist. Maybe its not so much even liking yourself as it is accepting yourself in your current state.

So, here is an effort to hash out the things that make me weird and awesome. You should make a list too, because I bet you’re wicked cool. 

1. One of my eyelids droops more than the other. And if I’m tired or drinking it’s even worse.

2. Pretty sure my lips are uneven. Also I’m pretty sure I get lipstick on my teeth MORE THAN ANYONE. JESUS CHRIST.

3. I have scars on my knees that look like bruises. They are all from tripping over my own feet which leads me to my next point.

4. I’m pigeon toed as a motherfucker

Ignore everything else and look at my feet in this picture.

AS A MOTHERFUCKER.

5.  My lip hair has gotten darker in recent years so I have to try and make it look like I’m stashe-less in makeup. For some reason that just makes it worse. 

6. I’ve been overweight most of my life except for a handful of times. I’m overweight right now, but I work out and try to be healthy. I spend a lot of time trying to teach myself that I don’t need to be a certain weight. 

7. I hate bras. I’d rather freeboob life. I don’t really care if my nips bother you

8. My feet remind me of when the Beast from beauty and the beast gets turned back to a human at the end. 

Yea, that guy. Actually in pretty much all of his lower body is me. 

9. I get rando dark hairs in strange places. Not to sound cliche, but I blame the entire French Canadian side of the family.

10. I legitimately have a hereditary mole on my ass. Yes. I shit you not (PUN). Three generations.

11. I suck at every sport except running and maybe yoga. When I was on sports teams, I was generally the resident fuck up.  Zero coordination. 

12. I tap my head when I have a panic attack. 

13. When I cry, I get snot everywhere. Its like my body is producing phlegm just for fun. Hot husband has gotten alot of snot on him. 

14.  I hate spandex underwear. They give me wedgies because of my big ass. 

15. I’m obsessed with my hair. For this reason, I literally can’t stop buying shampoo. Its an addiction. I have like five different kinds not including conditioner. WHY DO I FALL FOR THE MARKETING PLOYS EVERY SINGLE TIME?

In closing, I hope this brightens your day and makes you laugh. I’m going to continue eating this hummus thats going to my ass. 

Folding laundry

Things I fixate on while depressed:

1. Your eyebrows. Skeptical arches don’t make themselves (maybe).

2. Keeping your closet clean. I’m up to two weeks. Granted the drawers are a mess but everything is put away.

3. Folding laundry (a necessary evil for keeping your closet clean).

4. Online browsing for a marine corps birthday ball dress. Its sad how many hours I’ve spent on this. 

5. Contemplating my shoe collection. I have a minor addiction.

6. Trying to get at least 10000 steps a day and resorting to reading and walking to motivate myself. 

7. Fixating on wedding photos for several hours and then experiencing a facebook tag mania. 

8. Reading books in series too fast and finish 11 outlander books in three months without realizing you got to the last book then grieve that you have to live without the characters until the 12th book comes out.

9. Rewatch random parts of beauty and the beast several times. 

10. Worry about the shampoo you are using excessively and spend a weird amount of time in the hair care aisle of the store.

11. Name all of the stray dogs near the embassy. Develop relationships even though you can’t take any one of them home because you have two dogs.

12. Stay up late stalking family for photos and information for your massive family tree.

I broke my introvert

As you may well know, I got hitched to hot husband. In the week since, I think I’ve slept more than I’ve been awake (much to the disdain of hot husband). 

The epic journey started in Moldova on a plane. I flew to Charlotte via Vienna and Munich where my sister picked me up so I could watch her get promoted to captain. 

So fancy.

Then we woke up at midnight and drove for 16 hours to Connecticut with my sister’s dog Oscar. 

Maybe not the best idea. By the time we got to Jersey (where HH is from) I was delirious and felt like I was surrounded by thousands of hot husbands driving like maniacs. 

Then, two days later it was four hours to Vermont on Monday. We arrived in Stowe to this bad ass cabin with big beds and faux fur blankets that I wore like a cape to channel my inner Jon Snow. (No pictures of my fabulous cape, but heres some of Burlington)

We did the whole wedding preamble thing. There were venue things and flower things and wine things. Diy flower arrangements are actually not to difficult and kind of fun. The florist did our bouquets so that was much less stressful.

My sister planned this epic DIY wine tasting with my friends and it was magical.

And it was all great. Then we got married and stuff. 


The day after the wedding HH and I got on on a plane to come home to Moldova with the dogs. For the last six days, I have been exhausted. My introvert and socially anxious kid inside of me have gone into hiding. And sense I can’t function without them, I guess I’ve just been sleeping.

I dont know if its because the wedding is finally over and that we managed to actually get married (I know you may think its a pretty simple process but due to HH’s job we had to fill out a crap ton of paperwork and finally got approved on April 27th). Or if my social meter was just clocked out (so many people).

Or if I was sad that we had one week until we are apart again until we figure out a solution to both of our jobs and the miles that separate us.

I have to go back to work tomorrow and I’m pretty sure I’ll slip into a coma at around 2:00pm.

Spring in Germany

In March I went to Germany to see Hot Husband during his region’s training exercise at one of the air force bases. It was my first foray into official spouse territory, which no one tells you is scary as fuck (50% marriage being generally scary). Growing up around the military gives you an understanding of things, but I often feel like I’m in uncharted territory with the marines.  (One would think I would understand that being born into a certain community is vastly different to voluntarily joining it, but I’ve a thick skull.)

On the bright side, I got to hop around Germany in Kaiserslautern and Heidelberg. Naturally, I took photos.

The value of being alone

I’m sitting on the steps next to the palatul naţional eating a magnum ice cream cone and drinking seltzer water. 

Geographically speaking, I am generally without human interaction during my spare time. Although, when you have two dogs I don’t know if you can really say you’re alone. Animals being living beings and all. 

For the purposes of this post, I’ll focus on the whole human to human interaction bit. The hot fiance is on another continent and skype makes it easy to see each other everyday and we are in the same time zone, so our schedules are similar. But, when I leave the comforts of home to go to a restaurant or other things, he can’t come with me. 

We have been apart for two years on May and there were alot of times I felt trapped in my house living in a foreign country with not alot of the language and the hot fiance in Pakistan.

So when I came to Moldova I tried to become more comfortable doing recreational things alone. And I’m generally happy left to my own devices anyway. I just needed to transplant that happiness to activities outside the house. 

Now, you may be saying, “why don’t you just make friends.” And my only response would be that I have some aquantiances and I enjoy them on occasion, but I would wager that fifty percent of the ability to make friends is having a demographic that fits your own available to you.  And even if it is, I’ve never been a friend magnet anyway. 

I’ve strayed from my point, but learning to do enjoyable things on your own is a good experience. You are the only person in your life that’s never going to leave. Figuring out how to enjoy your own company is not a bad thing. Going to restaurants or events alone isn’t as scary as you think it is. Sometimes you might feel like you are being judged, but really no one cares.

So, have an adventure.