We all have the face we present to the world. We all own this persona that we find acceptable to show to others.
But, wouldn’t it be cool if we could let out our demons to frolick sometimes? I’m not saying go be a raging shithead to someone and, for godsakes, do not sexually harass anyone. But, what if I woke up one day and decided to tell someone how I actually feel? Or take a selfie that includes my fat? What if I told you that I’m petrified as fuck that my marriage isnt going to work? Or that I feel like I’m so much less? That I look at other people and say to myself “man, you are so fucking lovely and worthwhile and smart” but I can’t feel any of those days things to myself.
And, its ok. You don’t have to tell me that I’m gorgeous or smart or that I’m not ugly. Maybe you could acknowledge my ugly and I acknowledge yours. Often times our demons only exist in our minds.
I’m not saying to let people be shitty to you. I believe if you are hurt by someone’s words that you have to tell them, “hey dickhole why the fuck would you say that shit” or if we are using therapy words “hey I am not sure I really understand what you are saying. I hear you saying that I’m a piece of shit.” If you want, you could also start that sentence with “hey dickhole.” Why not keep it real?
But, sometimes you have to turn inward and say “self, you need to calm the fuck down because you are in the abyss and everyone else is happy on the surface. Look, its nice here.”
The point is that the only person who can quell the ugly within yourself is you. What happens to you, all those shit things that give you nightmares, they happened. Honor these things, but sometimes you have to set that shit on fire and let go. You are too precious to be locked up in the chains of the past. People hurt you and they are dickheads, but bitterness never accomplished anything.
And, it’s hard. It’s hard to say “hey douchnozzle, I forgive you.” You aren’t doing it for them. You are doing it for you. And, you have an obligation to protect your castle.
I guess I’m saying that we are all ugly sometimes and sometimes we are the beauty in a painting that makes people cry.
Be ugly, be real, be broken, be scared, be vulnerable, so that you can exist in a real way.
It’s a chance worth taking.