Monthly Archives: August 2017

Updates to Society6

Hello friends,

I’ve made updates to my society6 page with some cool new designs, if you are so inclined to go take a look.

In case you just want to look at photos, please enjoy some recent quirky work.

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Summer Blues

Last week, I had a melt down at work. The reason for the meltdown isn’t really the point – but I was reminded that people don’t really care all that much about anything outside of themselves (case-in-point I am writing about myself). Because of the type of job I have, I give too much when I shouldn’t. Part of it is guilt and, I guess, the other part just wants to make things work. I want to do a good job, but I do a good job at the expense of myself, sometimes. For example: We needed pizza for an event. My car was getting worked on that day. Instead of getting a ride, I walked to the pizza place (which was closed FOR NO REASON ON A MONDAY) and then walked to the location of the event (probably 2 miles from work). Ordered pizza online and it was delivered in the nic of time. However, why didn’t I just get a ride? Or have someone else order the pizza? Why did I feel the need to make it so hard on myself? Sure, its funny because its so insane. But, its not a good pattern.

It happens like once a month. Maybe, it’s because I find it difficult to ask for help.

I have found over the last year or so that sometimes things, places, people, organizations are just broken. This proverbial jenga tower cannot be rebuilt. Or at least, I am not the person to do it. Or maybe my jenga tower is broken. It’s funny despite everything that has happened over the last 6 years, I still haven’t figured out to how to let go or give less of myself. And, it tears me up because I feel too much, too strongly, too often. I am literally feeling down because of two fictional characters right now. I am literally anxious about trying to move in with my husband and encountering people at his work. It’s not for a month.

At the end of the day, the world goes on with or without me. Work will go on. People will go on. I am not a necessity. I’m not sure why I find this such a hard concept to understand. I am not the life-saving screw. I am just one piece.

I just want to turn off my feelings for a few weeks and catch up on sleep.

In other news, there are some photos that came out nice.

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2 Years

Dear Brian,

It’s been to years give or take a few days.  I didn’t forget my promise and I kept taking photographs.  We’ve seen so many different places this year.

I try to do better because I know how you would have lived.  I don’t always succeed and sometimes I question why I am here. But, I guess all I can do is try.

I’ve been so on edge and irritated lately and I wasn’t sure why until I remembered what day it was (even though I reminded myself a few days ago that I needed to make sure that I wrote this).  Then I remembered again that I am here and you are not.  Oddly enough, a storm rolled in during my realization.  I can see the lightning from my window.

I can’t say good things about the world right now, but dogs are still pretty much the best.  Our group of friends are still making their way in this life and I can’t believe its been 10 years since we first met.  I am not sure if we would still be friends now (as I regret we drifted before you died), but I know I still love you.  I know that you showed me so much about loving people and seeing the world differently.

These are the things we saw this year.

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I used my Affinity program to create collages of all these photos – and it came out pretty cool.

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Love,

Lindsay