Falling out of windows

#tw

I have been known to run in races. I ran one today. It was a 10k in a wine cellar and limestone mine. I did pretty well considering I haven’t been so focused on running.

The one thing after races that always bothers me is I sink very low afterwards. Sometimes I get kind of hysterical. I seem to forget until it happens. I’ve run so many longer, tougher races that I didnt think it would hit me like this. 

Between the news and all the pain I see on the internet, I’d really like to fall out of a window in the least suicidal way possible and give someone my life. 

I will not fall out of a window. I have dogs to take care of and a life to deal with. I just am trying to find the line between staying engaged in my civic duty and trying to donate where I can and write letters and sign petitions, but not let all of it eat me up.

But it eats at me. I’m so far away and its hard to feel connected to my country. So much of the pain is so intense and it doesn’t have to be this way and yet it is. I feel like my heart is being squeezed by a demon. And sometimes it goes away for awhile and then there is another death or terrible thing and it comes back. 

And, I have no right to feel this way.  

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10 thoughts on “Falling out of windows

  1. You have every right to feel whatever way you want. (Unless that feeling is the feeling of wanting to kick puppies. That’s not allowed. Unless it’s killer zombie puppies.)

    Take deep breaths and keep fighting. We need you so you can’t be falling out of any windows.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So much confusing in this post, but that’s probably because I haven’t been reading you that long, so I don’t yet feel like I know you.

    1. where ARE you, that a 10k race can take place in a wine cellar?
    2. where is HOME?
    3. why isn’t #HotFiance there to help you with the emotional aftermath of the run?

    and, not to be repetitive or redundant or anything, but if Rachel hadn’t already said it, I’d have said it. You feel what you feel, without apologizing for feeling it. You don’t “owe” anyone anything/everyone has “the right” to feel the way one feels!

    Remember that #TheBloggessTribe is here for you, even if we’re not “here” (at least we’re on Twitter, and there’s also a #TribePets something-or-other over on Instagram, so add pics of your pups there.

    Like

    1. 1. Moldova
      2. Home is usually people
      3. He’s in South Africa. We’ve been forced apart by our respective jobs and I didn’t want to talk about it.

      I appreciate it 🙂 just a bad night so i needed to get it out.

      Like

      1. well, at least now I know where the “Moldova” hits to MY blog are coming from, thankyouverymuch. 😉 (not that I know where Moldova is)

        So Southern California can be home? ‘cuz I’m people? 🙂

        and you WILL be together in 100+ days, for the wedding and aftermath, right? and then hopefully forever, or will your jobs still separate you? I’m clearly hoping for the former!

        Glad you got it out; hope you’re feeling better.

        Like

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